


Soon I'll Wake Up and I'll Forget It

by Tabbyshhh



Category: Clean Bandit (Band), Years & Years (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Dom/sub Undertones, Explicit Sexual Content, Light BDSM, M/M, Mention of depression and anxiety, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 14:10:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4749296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tabbyshhh/pseuds/Tabbyshhh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Olly really wants to do is sleep. Well, what he really wants to do is get his hands on Neil but at this moment in time he doesn’t think he could do much more than fall asleep on him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soon I'll Wake Up and I'll Forget It

Olly’s so tired he can barely lift his head properly. Aeroplane seats aren’t comfortable at the best of times but it’s probably the only time he’s grateful for his small frame, when he’s able to angle his body into something approaching comfort and he has to feel sorry for tall people like Neil sitting rigid, absolutely nowhere for those long legs to go.  

Neil… It’s only been 2 weeks since they saw each other, they’ve gone longer but that doesn’t make it any easier. Olly feels guilty sometimes about the fact that he’s living his dream, travelling the world with his band, who happen to be his best friends after 5 years of shared experiences, highs and lows; but there’s a part of him that’s always wishing he could leave, get on a plane and fly to Neil. It makes him sad, mopey, and he tries to hide it from the fans, from the people working hard to help them succeed, from Mikey and Emre although he knows he’s not fooling them at all. He’d feel worse if he didn’t know that Neil’s just as bad, although he seems to deal with it with anger, simmering frustration and resentment. 

They’re flying to London now after travelling all over Europe, they’ve got three days off in a row and all Olly really wants to do is sleep. Well, what he really wants to do is get his hands on Neil but at this moment in time he doesn’t think he could do much more than fall asleep  _on_  him. Neil’s in Paris, he’ll get back to London about a day later than Olly but they’d decided it wasn’t worth Olly travelling to Paris just to hang around while Neil’s working. Their bands put up with a lot from the both of them but they try to be as professional as they can. 

“Not long now,” Mikey pats his knee comfortingly. 

“24 hours,” Olly murmurs mostly to himself. He can wait that long… 

 “I meant until we land,” Mikey grins at him. “Then you can go home and sleep.” 

 “Mmm,” Olly agrees. He’s hoping being in his own bed will allow that to happen. The last week he hasn’t managed more than a couple of hours a night, between his own issues, sleeping in unfamiliar places and missing Neil like a physical ache, added to their hectic schedule, he doesn’t think he’s ever been so exhausted. “’S’been awesome though,” he slurs. Mikey agrees enthusiastically and Emre joins in, listing their favourite shows and funny things that have happened. It cheers Olly up a little, reminds him why it’s worth the heartache of missing the people he loves. 

He manages to doze a little and Mikey has to whistle in his ear to get him moving and off the plane. It’s the middle of the night so it doesn’t take long to get through passport control but waiting for their bags is as tedious as ever. When they’re working management organise cars to take them everywhere, to make sure they get there on time, but this is downtime so they’re on their own. Olly stumbles after Mikey towards the doors of the terminal and only looks up when Mikey stops walking and he almost slams into the back of him. He has to rub his eyes twice when he looks up and sees what’s made Mikey stop.

“Neil?” He’s not entirely sure he’s not hallucinating until Mikey moves out of his way and Emre pushes him in the back, sending him flying into Neil’s arms. He can’t help it, the flood gates open and he’s clutching Neil’s jacket, sobbing into his chest.

“Shhh, baby boy,” Neil soothes, “It’s ok, I’m here now.”

“Sorry,” Olly gasps, but he can’t seem to make himself stop crying. He can hear Emre and Mikey talking at Neil:

“He’s exhausted”

“I don’t think he’s been sleeping”

“Just too much to take….”

And then they’re moving, toward the airport doors, Olly tucked under Neil’s arm, his face pressed against him trusting him not to let him stumble. He’s bundled into the first cab that pulls up with a slap on the back from Mikey and an exhortation from Emre to _get some sleep._

“Olly,” Neil murmurs into his ear, “take a deep breath, baby.” Olly does as he’s told.

“Sorry,” he swallows back more tears. “I missed you so much and I thought you weren’t coming until tomorrow.”

“Mmmm,” Neil pulls him in closer and rubs his back and Olly can already feel himself drifting but he doesn’t want to waste this extra time with Neil.

“Sleep,” Neil instructs gently. “I’ll still be here when you wake up.” It’s true, Neil takes care of the cab fare and ushers him up the steps to his flat, letting Olly lean against him while he juggles opening the door with keeping hold of Olly’s bags. Olly know he should be helping but his limbs won’t co-operate.

The bags are left in the hall and Neil takes him through to the bedroom, leaving the light off and helping Olly undress. “Here, drink some of this,” a bottle of water is pressed to his lips and Olly drinks obediently until Neil takes it away. Before long Neil is sliding into the bed with him and pulling him close, the duvet pulled up high around their shoulders. “Hi,” he smiles at Olly, his eyes shining in the darkness before kissing him, and Olly lasts about 5 seconds before the tears start again. Neil shushes him before he can apologise again and settles Olly with his head on Neil’s shoulder. “You’ll feel better in the morning.” Olly falls asleep almost immediately.

When he wakes up he feels disgusting. His eyes are crusted together and probably swollen from all the crying, he didn’t clean his teeth before he fell asleep so his breath smells rancid and the 6 hour flight has left him in dire need of a shower. It takes him a few minutes to convince himself to get out of the bed when Neil is lying there, looking as perfect as always, mouth open and expression unguarded in sleep. He slips out of bed, careful not to wake him and splashes cool water on his face in the bathroom before deciding he really does need to shower even though he’s exhausted; he’s a bit embarrassed about his reaction last night so he texts a hasty apology to Emre and Mikey for not saying good bye properly while he’s cleaning his teeth and then jumps in the shower. He feels a million times better already and using Neil’s shower stuff helps, reassuring him that when he gets out Neil will still be there.

He towels off and walks back into the bedroom, finding Neil sitting on the edge of the bed, frowning at him.

“You are supposed to be sleeping,” Neil tuts, using the towel Olly’s holding to pull him in until he’s standing between Neil’s legs, his own knees pressed against the bed.

“Needed a wee,” Olly shrugs.

“And it started raining while you were in there?” Neil asks sarcastically, rubbing a hand through Olly’s wet hair. “You need to take better care of yourself, baby.” Olly pouts silently, as far as he’s concerned cleaning his teeth and showering is taking care of himself. Neil shakes his head and laughs a little, pulling Olly’s hips until they’re both sprawled on the bed and Olly thinks Neil’s lucky he didn’t take a knee to the groin but the thought slips away when Neil rolls them over and grins down at him. “Maybe I need to give you a better incentive to stay in bed, hmmm?” Olly likes the sound of that, even more so when Neil is kissing him, taking his breath away.

“Want you,” Olly whispers.

“Later,” Neil promises. “I think we need something a bit quicker to get you back to sleep for now.” Olly whines in protest but he knows Neil’s right. He loves bottoming but he’s always tight, it takes time and Neil’s patient fingers to open him up, especially when it’s been a while, and unlike other men Olly’s known Neil isn’t prepared to rush it and risk hurting him.

Olly’s already naked, and still a little damp from his shower, Neil kicks out of his underwear and then his long gorgeous body is pressed against Olly’s covering him in the most perfect way.

“Sorry I was such a mess last night,” Olly blurts, completely unable to hold it back any longer.

“Don’t apologise…” Neil starts, frowning at him.

“No,” Olly interrupts, “I should have been excited to see you, I was, but then I fell apart. I was just…”

“Exhausted?” Neil offers when Olly stumbles over what word to use. “Emotional? Overwhelmed? You don’t ever need to apologise for missing me, Olly,” he kisses him, “God knows I missed you too.” Neil always looks at him with such intensity, like he’s the only person in the room (which right now he is, but still…) it used to make Olly nervous, still does sometimes, but right now he just wishes he didn’t ever have to be away from the man who thinks he’s worth looking at like that.

Neil takes away the need to speak by kissing him, pushing his arms over his head and holding them there, absolutely no effort for his stronger frame, not that Olly’s exactly fighting to get away. Neil pushes their hips together and Olly can’t help but gasp; he’s been hard for a while, with Neil pressed against him like that how could he not be, but the feel of Neil’s matching arousal heightens everything for him and he pushes his hips against Neil’s enjoying the friction.

Neil bites at his neck and Olly gasps, tilting his chin up to try and get more air which has the added benefit of giving Neil more room to work. Their hips move together and Olly feels light headed with the sensations overwhelming him. It’s been too long so it’s hardly surprising that neither of them lasts, Olly coming with a shout of Neil’s name and Neil following seconds later.

Neil rolls off him quicker than Olly would like, even though he knows from experience that having Neil’s heavier frame crushing him isn’t fun for long.

“Should have waited for that shower,” Neil laughs breathlessly. “Now you’re all dirty again.” Olly just grins, he has no intention of washing Neil off him. Neil fusses at him until he’s the right way up in the bed and then pulls him close once more. “No getting out of bed,” he warns before they both succumb to sleep.

*

This time when he wakes up Neil is sitting up against the headboard playing around on his phone, he leans down to kiss Olly as soon as he realises he’s awake.

“Emre called,” Neil announces. “He wanted to know what you were doing texting him at quarter past 5 this morning when you were supposed to be asleep.” Neil raises an eyebrow and Olly winces a little. “I told him it’s because you’re a _very_ naughty boy.”

“Well he knows that,” Olly laughs, pressing his face into Neil’s thigh to stifle a yawn, “I didn’t say goodbye to them properly.”

“You were barely conscious, I don’t think they minded,” Neil runs a hand down Olly’s back and he shivers a little.

“I mind,” he murmurs, mostly to himself. Mikey and Emre are good friends, they’ve both been good to him in a million different ways over the last few years and he would never want them to think that he doesn’t appreciate them.

“You’re too sweet,” Neil chides but Olly can hear the smile in his voice so it’s ok. “Hungry?”

“Mmmm,” Olly could eat. “No, don’t go,” he whines grabbing Neil’s leg.

“I can’t get you food if I stay here,” Neil laughs, pulling Olly off his leg and escaping from the bed; he kisses Olly on his way out though so that’s some consolation. Olly takes the opportunity to stretch out in the bed, wincing at the way his joints pop and then sliding over to Neil’s side to bury his face in the pillow. He drifts off to sleep again and Neil wakes him up by trailing fingers up and down his back. Olly could lie there all day while he did that and not complain. “You’re like a cat,” Neil comments, dropping a kiss between Olly’s shoulder blades. “C’mon, up. I don’t want Emre complaining that I don’t feed you enough either.” Olly laughs and sits up to share the fruit Neil has chopped up for them, he eats more than his fair share, it’s hard not to when Neil keeps feeding him strawberries and kissing him after each one.

“Not that I’m not glad,” Olly says, when they’re lying down again, his head pillowed on Neil’s shoulder, one hand thrown up over his head so he can play with his hair, “but why are you back from Paris early?”

“Jack and Grace had a huge fight,” Olly can’t see Neil’s face but he can imagine his expression so he squeezes his hand supportively. Jack and Grace apparently get on better now they’ve ended their relationship, Olly can’t comment he didn’t really know them when they were together, but occasionally things blow up. Neil, who loves Grace to death can’t stand to see her upset so he never takes it well. “I wasn’t exactly in the right state of mind to play peace keeper and to be fair to Jack this one was all on Grace. They made up quickly enough but we didn’t have any performances, just interviews so they sent me and Luke home early as an apology.”

“Best apology ever,” Olly squeezes his hand again. “What were they fighting about?” Olly asks tentatively.

“Nothing to worry about,” Neil sighs, “Grace was in a mood and Jack… well, he doesn’t have to put up with her like he used to.”

“Like I put up with you,” Olly agrees mock seriously, glad when Neil laughs. Olly rolls away from Neil and turns to look at him, still smiling. “Well, I’ve slept and now you’ve fed me so I think it’s time you kept your promise.”

“Promise?” Neil asks innocently.

“Please?” Olly asks sweetly.

“You want me to fuck you?” Neil’s faux innocence vanishes.

“It’s almost all I ever think about,” Olly groans as Neil looms over him. “Please, Neil, I want you so much.”

“Ok, baby,” Neil digs the lube and condoms out of the drawer by the bed. They’ve both been tested and come back clean but Olly’s so tight condoms make it easier for both of them. “Here, lie back.” Neil grabs a pillow and Olly raises his hips helpfully to allow him to slide it under. Neil leans in to kiss him, taking his time, moving between Olly’s spread thighs and stroking one hand through Olly’s hair while he opens the lube and warms it on his fingers.

“Missed you so much, Olly,” Neil whispers, continuing to murmur sweet words into Olly’s ear while he touches his fingers to Olly’s hole. Olly can’t help it, his body clenches automatically without his permission and Neil withdraws for a while, spending some more time kissing him until Olly’s relaxed and they can try again.

This time he manages to stay relaxed enough to allow one of Neil’s fingers to slide inside, blinking up at Neil, keeping him in his line of sight.

“That’s it, baby, open up for me,” Neil smiles down at him, leaning in to kiss him again, “you’re so beautiful like this, all spread out for me.” Heat rises to Olly’s cheeks, he’s not sure he’ll ever get used to the way Neil says things like that so casually. How someone like Neil, perfect, clever, beautiful Neil can think Olly is worth the time of day is beyond him but he’s more than grateful anyway.

Neil moves his finger slightly, watching Olly’s face for any sign of discomfort. He’s unendingly patient when they do this but Olly isn’t and he shifts his hips, smiling when Neil shakes his head at him. It works though and Neil stops stroking Olly’s hip with his spare hand to squeeze out more lube onto his fingers. He distracts Olly by kissing his neck while he works two fingers into him this time.

“God, Olly, you’re doing so well,” Neil praises, biting at Olly’s chest just the way he likes. He crooks his fingers slightly and Olly nearly lifts off the bed when he presses directly against his prostate. Neil gentles his touch, alternating between rubbing Olly’s prostate and scissoring his fingers to open him up wider.

“Neil,” Olly pants. “Please, I want…”

“You’re not ready yet,” Neil kisses his pout away. “One more finger,” he promises. Olly can’t find it in him to complain when Neil licks at his nipples to distract him this time and the third finger does burn a bit but it all feels so good he’s not sure he’s going to be able to wait.

“Neil, Neil,” Olly tries to warn him.

“It’s fine, baby, go ahead. You’ll be nice and relaxed for me then,” Neil continues to move his fingers, kissing Olly and biting at his neck, his spare hand coming up to grip Olly’s dick, there’s no holding back then and Olly tries not to wail too loudly as he comes but he’s not sure he succeeded when he sees the way Neil is grinning at him. “Ok, baby boy?” Neil asks, stilling his fingers but not withdrawing them.

“Brilliant,” Olly grins up at him, taking a deep breath.

“Need to get you all worked up again now,” Neil leans in and licks across Olly’s stomach, right through the come cooling there. Olly’s cock jumps at the sight and when Neil starts moving his fingers inside him again he’s hard in no time.

“Please, Neil,” he whines, “you know I’m ready now.”

“I think you might be,” Neil agrees, pulling out his fingers and slicking on a condom quickly followed by more lube. Olly pulls his legs up to his chest and groans in satisfaction as Neil finally  _finally_ slides in.

“Fuck, yes,” Olly throws his head back against the pillows. “You can move,” he assures Neil who’s holding still to let him get used to the intrusion. “Fuck,” it’s always worth the wait in the end, Neil feels so good inside him, over him, surrounding him, it’s all Olly can do to grip his shoulders and hold on as Neil starts to move his hips. He wiggles impatiently and Neil laughs, moving Olly’s legs so they’re over Neil’s shoulders and he can press in deeper. He gets into a rhythm that suits them both, rolling his hips until Olly can’t keep his eyes open and sneaks a hand between them to work his dick. “Fuck, Neil,” Olly’s coming over his hand sooner than he expected and the way his body tenses and releases forces Neil’s orgasm on him too.

Neil kisses him as soon as they’ve both got their breath back, pulling out gently and dealing with the condom while helping Olly lower his legs to the bed. He whines when Neil gets up, completely incapable of speech at the moment but not wanting him to go.

“I just need to get a flannel,” Neil disappears into the bathroom but reappears just as quickly and wipes them both down before climbing back into the bed and pulling Olly close. “That was amazing, as always,” he’s dropping kisses into Olly’s hair and he tilts his face up for a real kiss. “It’s definitely getting easier,” he sounds so pleased that Olly nods instead of trying to avoid the subject like he normally would.

Neil is quite happy to bottom, they’ve done it that way plenty of times but Olly isn’t always keen on topping. He doesn’t like the thought of doing that to Neil, of potentially hurting him – physically, emotionally – the way Olly’s been hurt in the past by men who don’t have Neil’s patience.

He’d made the mistake of telling Neil, during a bout of drunken over sharing, why exactly it is that he clenches up like that even though he really gets off on bottoming. He’d felt terrible about it the next day, he’d made Neil cry for God’s sake and that was never ever his intention. Neil’s made it his mission since then to try and make sure Olly doesn’t feel even a twinge of pain when they do this. It means Neil fucks him a lot less than he would like but they do a lot of other things instead, Olly’s sexual horizons have expanded exponentially since Neil arrived in his life, but it’s always amazing when they do manage to make time for it.

“More sleep,” Neil interrupts his thoughts, kissing him and pulling the covers over them now they’ve both cooled down. “Then we can shower and eat. Maya told me about a restaurant I should take you to.”

“Date night,” Olly grins, rolling over so Neil can curl up behind him, pressed all along his back and one arm thrown over him; Olly’s favourite way to sleep.

*

It takes Olly a while to sift through his clothes and find something that he’s prepared to wear outside the house, and even that involves stealing a t-shirt from Neil who has huge quantities of white t-shirts and never seems to run out. 

The restaurant is walking distance and it’s nice to be outside somewhere that’s not a festival. Olly doesn’t mind getting recognised, quite likes it actually, and if anything it happens more when he’s with Neil; probably because the two of them together is confirmation that it is actually him and people aren’t as worried that they’ve made a mistake. Today though he’d quite like to just spend some time with Neil without any interruptions so he’s pleased that the streets seem quiet. Maybe there’s football on or something.  

“Is Maya meeting us there?” Olly asks, brushing his hand against Neil’s, just because he can. 

“Maya?” Neil looks up from his phone.  

“You said she suggested this place,” Olly reminds him. 

“She recommended that I take you there,” Neil corrects. “It has a lot of vegetarian and vegan options so she thought you’d like it. I’m not in the mood for sharing you just yet,” Neil bumps his hip against Olly and he has to hold back a giggle. It’s ridiculous, really, how easily Neil can make him feel like a teenager with a crush. 

“I should probably ring my mum at some point,” Olly mutters, mostly to himself. He doesn’t see his mum as much as he’d like, especially with her living in Blackpool. “But, she thought you were only getting back today so she’ll understand.” His mum loves Neil almost as much as he does and when Olly apologises for not calling her as soon as he got back to England she’ll make some embarrassing sentimental comments about how in love Olly is. He sends her a text though, to let her know he’s ok and that he’s spending his down time with Neil. 

“Ah, here it is,” Neil stops suddenly and Olly has to back up a few steps to see the sandwich board pointing them down a narrow alley; this is why Olly loves London, there are surprises round every corner. It’s small inside, all scrubbed oak tables and chairs painted in bright primary colours and Olly feels himself relax even further. 

"Maya’s a genius,” he tells Neil when they’ve been seated, a little table in the corner where they can tangle their legs together and not be disturbed by people walking past them. There’s too much choice for Olly, being vegetarian usually means there’s only a few things on the menu that he can eat and then his own tastes narrow things down further.  

“Why don’t we get some things to share,” Neil offers, accommodating as always. When the waitress reappears Neil orders for the both of them, without a thought, grinning sheepishly when the waitress walks away and he catches Olly laughing at him.  

“No meat?” Olly asks, instead of teasing Neil. 

“Not if we’re sharing,” Neil shrugs, taking hold of Olly’s hand across the table and tracing a finger down his life line. Olly can’t help but shiver. 

The food is really good and Olly makes a mental note to try and come here again, he’ll have to pay more attention on the way back so he’ll be able to find it if Neil isn’t with him.

It starts to rain just before they get home – typical English weather – a rain cloud bursting out of nowhere. They’re laughing as they run up the steps to Neil’s door, jostling each other to get inside. As soon as the front door is closed behind them Neil pushes him up against the wall and kisses him and the size difference between them is never more obvious than when they do this. Olly stands up on his tiptoes and Neil grips his arms to steady him until they finally separate a little, panting.

“You’re so beautiful, Olly,” Neil’s intense stare is back and Olly has to force himself not to break eye contact.

“Says you,” he smiles instead, ignoring the fact that he knows he’s blushing like a teenage girl. “You’re so perfect it’s ridiculous,” he lifts one hand to cup Neil’s face and smiles wider when Neil closes his eyes and presses against it before they’re kissing again. He has no idea how Neil manoeuvres them into the bedroom without them tripping but he manages it and then it’s a fight to get naked before they fall on the bed in a tangle of limbs.

“Neil,” he pleads, leaning over the grab the lube, still on the bedside table from this morning. “Please…”

“Tell me what you want,” Neil’s hands are all over him and Olly can’t think clearly.

“I want you to hold me down and fuck me,” he catches Neil’s eye so he’ll see he means it, “I really, really want it.”

“Far be it for me to deny you what you want,” Neil smiles down at him and takes the lube from his hand. “Get on your hands and knees,” his tone makes it clear it’s not a request and Olly shudders before hurrying to do what he’s been told. “Good boy.” Olly whines at the praise, seriously, sex with Neil is like nothing he’s ever experienced before in his life. “Are you going to let me in?” Neil asks, pressing a kiss to Olly’s lower back.

“Yes,” Olly desperately wants Neil to fuck him and he’s still loose from this morning so Neil’s first finger slides in easily and he makes a pleased noise. He still takes his time, never willing to rush this. “Neil…” Olly whines. “I’m ready for more.”

“I decide when you get more,” Neil reminds him and Olly has to lock his elbows so that he doesn’t fall face first on the bed when he leans in close and licks around where his finger is encased in Olly’s body. Olly shudders violently and Neil bites at his thigh, just sharp nips before he licks again. This is another thing Olly had never known before Neil, rimming had been so far down the list of things that he would ever want to try but Neil loves it and it turns out Olly does too. It makes his face heat, humiliating in the best way, especially when Neil really focuses on getting Olly off that way. Thankfully he chooses to give Olly another finger now which distracts him from the weird hot shame feeling that fills his stomach and makes his knees weak when Neil rims him.

“That’s right, baby, let me in,” Neil kisses Olly’s back again. “You’re doing so well, opening up for me, so beautiful…” Then there are 3 fingers and Olly sinks down to his elbows, his arms are shaking too much to keep supporting him.

“Neil, please, please,” he pleads, “Please…” He could cry with how badly he wants Neil to be inside him and Neil, perfect wonderful Neil, obviously agrees that this is the right time. He wipes his fingers on the sheets before gripping Olly’s hips and sliding slowly, carefully in. “Yes,” Olly slurs, “so good.”

“You’re such a slut,” Neil teases, there’s fondness in his voice and Olly lets himself smile, ignoring the voice in the back of his mind reminding him how many times he’s been called that in less pleasant circumstances.

“Only for you though,” he manages to say.

“Definitely all mine,” Neil agrees. “Don’t know how I got so lucky, all those other men were morons.” Olly doesn’t respond and suddenly Neil’s hands are under his chest, pulling him back so that he’s sitting impaled on Neil’s cock, his back to Neil’s chest and scrabbling a little to get purchase with his feet. He loves this position but Neil won’t do it often, not unless he knows Olly is relaxed and open and there’s no danger of hurting him. Olly relaxes, sinking further down on to Neil and groaning.

“Tell me you’re perfect,” Neil says; once again an order not a request.

“Mmmm?” Olly asks, too distracted by the way Neil feels inside him and the way his hands are girpping Olly’s hips so tightly that he’ll probably have bruises, ones that he can cherish when they part again in a few days. “What?”

“Say you’re perfect,” Neil repeats. “I want to hear you say that you’re perfect and beautiful and lovely and I’m going to make you say it until you mean it.”

“That might take a while,” Olly scoffs before he can stop himself. Neil lifts him slightly, manhandling him up and back down again until Olly’s vision blurs with how good it feels.

“I’m waiting,” Neil stills again.

“Don’t make me say it,” Olly feels weirdly nervous, a strange fluttering in his chest.

“Say you’re perfect and I’ll get you off,” Neil promises, “I’ll put you back down on the bed and I’ll hold you down and fuck you like you’ve wanted me to, even if it means you can’t walk straight tomorrow.” Olly’s dick jumps at that, he knows it’s a promise and he desperately wants it, wants Neil to see that he can take it. “You have to say it.”

“I’m perfect,” Olly forces it out but as soon as the words have left his lips he knows it won’t be enough.

“Say it louder,” Neil instructs, moving his hips so his dick presses against Olly’s prostate.

“I’m perfect,” Olly says, a bit more firmly this time and suddenly they’re moving again and it’s all Olly can do to get his hands under himself so he doesn’t land face first.

“Yes you are,” Neil’s hips are moving and it feels so good that Olly can barely breathe. “You’re mine and you’re perfect. My perfect, beautiful,  _good_ boy _,”_ all said while he’s fucking into Olly hard, the way he’s wanted, needed, for months and it’s just too much, Olly comes without any contact to his dick, just Neil’s words and Neil’s body, pushing him over the edge. Neil follows him quickly, shouting out Olly’s name as he comes.

They’re both quiet for a little while afterwards, Neil helps Olly lie down on his side, gets rid of the condom and then lies facing him, kissing across his forehead, down his cheek to his mouth.

“Are you ok?” He looks concerned and Olly smiles at him without any need to think about it or try, it’s just automatic.

“I’m awesome,” he answers.

“You’re not going to be able to walk tomorrow,” Neil worries.

“I don’t have anywhere I need to go,” Olly laughs. “And I’ll be fine. You spent ages opening me up and it was the second time today,” he leans in to kiss Neil’s slight frown away. “It was perfect.”

“No,” Neil disagrees, “you’re perfect.”

They doze, lying facing each other with their fingers entwined and it’s this moment Olly will think of in the long hard weeks that follow, when they’re apart more than they’re together.

When they wake it’s getting late but they decide to shower before they eat again anyway. Neil’s shower cubicle is tiny, not really big enough for him on his own so far too small for the two of them but they’ve had practice at how to make it work. Mainly they just stand pressed together while the water washes over them, sluicing the sweat away, sharing kisses in the water, whispering and laughing as they use washing each other as an excuse to get their hands on every inch of the other’s body. It doesn’t lead to sex this time, they’re both still feeling nicely sated, 3 orgasms in one day is enough. He doesn’t feel sore, even though Neil keeps watching him to see if he is, maybe a little tender but it’s absolutely worth it.

“I need to go home and do my washing,” Olly sighs; it’s really the last thing he wants to do. Today had been a treat, extra time together that he hadn’t expected, but now they’re down to two days until they both have other places to be, commitments waiting to be met.

“Not now,” Neil argues gently. They’re eating Thai food from the take away down the street and Olly puts down his noodles to kiss him.

“Tomorrow,” he agrees. “You can come with me,” he offers, shy as always of monopolising Neil’s time.

“Obviously,” Neil replies. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily, I’ve already told my mum and Dad  _and_ Grace that I’ll be with you for the whole 3 days.” Olly opens his mouth to disagree, Neil’s parents are lovely and he doesn’t want to be the reason they don’t get to see Neil. “I saw them yesterday before your plane landed,” Neil interrupts before Olly can speak. “They understand and I promised next time we’re both here we’ll go for dinner with them, ok?

“Ok,” Olly nods, keeping his eyes on his food.

“You need to eat more,” Neil spoons more pad kra prow on to Olly’s plate. Olly looks up just in time to see Neil eat a piece of tofu and pull a face.

“You could have had meat,” Olly reminds him; he’s not the kind of vegetarian that forces his views on other people.

“I know, but I like it when we share,” Neil shrugs, smiling sheepishly, “It’s just the texture, I’ll get used to it eventually.” Olly can’t help the smile that crosses his face then, Neil says these things so effortlessly, like the future of their relationship is an assured fact and there’s plenty of time for him to get used to tofu.

“All we’ve done today is eat, sleep and have sex,” Olly says, to stop himself from saying anything embarrassing.

“And do you feel better?” Neil asks, looking smug when Olly nods and then laughs. “I know how to take care of my boy.”

“You do,” Olly agrees, snuggling closer even though it makes it harder for them both to eat. “I’ll make sure I tell Emre.”

*

When he lets himself into the flat Stewie runs to greet him and Olly picks him up, pressing his face into his fur and murmuring nonsense about how much he’s missed him.

“You look better,” Mikey says when he appears in the kitchen and finds Olly stuffing clothes into the washing machine.

“I slept and when I woke up Neil was there,” Olly shrugs. Mikey nods like he understands, and maybe he does, he must miss Sophie almost as much as Olly misses Neil.

“Where is he?” Mikey looks around as though he’s expecting Neil to jump out from behind the couch.

“He went to get some food, we didn’t have breakfast and  _someone_ told him I haven’t been eating enough,” Olly replies, picking Stewie up from under his feet for more cuddles.

“Not me,” Mikey holds his hands up defensively. “Must have been Emre.”

“Must have been,” Olly agrees, although he still had his suspicions.  The front door opens and closes and Neil pushes past both of them into the kitchen, sparing a smile for Mikey before he points Olly to a chair and encourages him to eat one of the pastries he’d brought from the local bakery.

“I bought enough for you, too,” he tells Mikey who immediately grabs one like he’d been waiting for permission. “And Sophie and James, are they not here?”

“They’re both working,” Mikey shrugs. “Soph couldn’t get today off, disadvantage of having a 9-5 job.”

“That’s crap,” Olly pats him on the shoulder. “She does come and visit on most weekends though so it’s not all bad.”

“True,” Mikey’s laid back character is one of Olly’s favourite things about him. It takes quite a lot to ruffle him, which is handy when Olly needs someone to give him some perspective on things. “So, do I even want to ask what you two did yesterday?” He asks with a grin.

“We went to a vegetarian restaurant my sister recommended,” Neil answers when Olly just pushes more cinnamon roll into his mouth while grinning at Mikey.

“So you did manage to climb out of bed at some point,” Mikey laughs.

“I was under strict instructions to feed him,” Neil points out and Mikey grins at Olly’s glare.

“From Emre,” Mikey replies.

“Hmm,” Neil hums noncommittally.

“I’m capable of taking care of myself you know,” Olly sighs, “I don’t need watching all the time.”

“You’re perfectly capable,” Mikey steals the last piece of cinnamon roll before Olly can get it, “you just choose not to for some reason.” He stands up grinning. “And it’s not like me and Emre care or anything but we need you in good shape, you’re our ticket to the big time.”

Neil cracks up laughing and Olly gives Mikey the finger as he saunters out of the room.

“Your friends are ridiculous,” Neil tells him.

“I’m aware,” Olly grins. “But your best friend is Grace and she’s terrifying.”

“She loves you,” Neil laughs.

“Because she knows I’m scared of her,” Olly points out.

“Anyone with half a brain is scared of Grace,” Neil shrugs, starting to clean up the mess they’ve made at the table until Olly takes it off him and pushes him back into his seat. “So, what do you want to do today? We must be able to find something more entertaining than just doing your washing.”

Olly’s default response to that question would always be that they can do whatever Neil wants, but that’s not actually what Neil wants to hear and it had been the cause of their first real fight.

Neil can be moody, but it doesn’t happen all that often, particularly when they’re actually together. Grace’s advice had been to just carry on regardless and let Neil work it out in his own time and since she knows him best and Olly hates confrontation that’s what he’s always tried to do.

Olly’s also been conditioned by previous relationships to just go along with what his partner wants, to keep them happy, another handy way to avoid confrontation so he really hadn’t been expecting Neil to go mad at him for it.

“Any idea what you want to do for dinner?” Neil had asked. He’d been in a mood since that morning, Olly wasn’t sure if his hands were bothering him again but he’d just been trying to keep quiet and not aggravate him.

“Whatever you want,” Olly shrugged.

“You don’t have any suggestions?” Neil asked.

“No, we can go wherever…”

“Olly!” Olly looked up from his phone in shock, that’s the first time Neil has ever raised his voice to him. “Do you have any idea how much pressure you put on me when I have to make all the decisions?” He’d demanded, standing over Olly who was sprawled in an armchair and was suddenly more aware than ever of their size difference. “I have to decide where we eat, what we see at the cinema, when we go to bed, everything,” Neil ranted. “It wouldn’t kill you to have an opinion once in a while.”

“Sorry,” Olly had stuttered out his apology. “I’m sorry, I thought you liked deciding, I didn’t mean to…”

“Not all the time!” Neil retorted. “You never suggest anything.”

“Sorry,” Olly had felt totally blindsided, he’d been so sure Neil liked being in charge and making the decisions. Sometimes he would give Olly a couple of things to choose from and Olly would always make sure to choose the option he thought Neil wanted him to. “We could go to…Umm, we could go to Foxlow,” he’d named one of Neil’s favourite places to eat.

“You don’t like Foxlow,” Neil sounded exasperated. It was true Olly wasn’t keen on it but Neil liked it and…

“I’ve never said I don’t like it,” he’d protested weakly.

“You never say you don’t like anything,” Neil had pointed out, “But there are about 3 vegetarian options and 2 of them you don’t like. I want to know where  _you_ would like to eat, Olly, not where you think I want to eat.”

Olly hadn’t been able to think, Neil sounded so angry and he was still towering over him and he couldn’t think of a single place to eat, his mind had gone blank and all he could do was stutter apologies and blink back tears.

“Olly,” Neil’s voice softened considerably and he kneeled down in front of the chair, wrapping his arms round Olly. “It’s ok, take a deep breath, baby.” Olly did as he was told.

“I’m sorry,” he’d apologised again.

“No, I’m sorry,” Neil had replied, “I shouldn’t have been so aggressive with you. You’re shaking,” Neil had sounded upset when he said that. “I didn’t mean to scare you.

“Sorry, sorry,” Olly literally had nothing else to say. Neil had held him until he’d stopped apologising and shaking.

“I didn’t mean to shout at you,” Neil whispered to him later that night. “I want to know what you like, Olly, and that means that you can’t just go along with what you think I want to do.”

So now when Neil asks what Olly thinks they should do he tries his best to have an answer, to feel confident in letting Neil know what he would actually like to do.

“Actually they’re having a film noir season at Whirled,” they’ve been to that cinema together before, Olly’s a member and Neil has been his guest a few times, “I think they’re showing a French film today?” He looks hopefully at Neil who smiles encouragingly at him.

“Sounds good, do you want to eat before or after?”

“Before,” Olly replies immediately. “There’s a really good restaurant just near there, I think we should be able to get a table if we go before the film.”

“Have we been there before?” Neil asks.

“Ummm, no, I don’t think so,” Olly winces.

“Why not?” Neil asks.

“Well, it’s vegan so I didn’t think you’d want to go there,” Olly admits.

“Olly,” Neil sighs.

“I know, I know,” Olly shrugs, “I’m suggesting it now though.”

“Ok, so a vegan meal followed by a French film,” Neil says, leaning in to kiss Olly, “I think that ticks the culture box.”

“So tomorrow we can just stay in your flat and have sex,” Olly agrees happily.

“If that’s what you want to do,” Neil laughs.

“It definitely is.”

*

Olly gets enough of his clothes washed and dried that he’ll be able to pack for his next trip on Monday morning so he’s able to head out with Neil without feeling guilty.

The food is good, Olly has the sweet potato curry and Neil laughs at the happy noises he makes while he’s eating it. He’s glad he suggested they come here, Neil seems to enjoy his food and they wash it down with some cider so Olly’s feeling loose and happy by the time they get to the cinema. He has to concentrate on the film, his French is terrible so paying attention to the subtitles is the only way to make sure he understands what’s going on but it’s a good film and Neil talks about it all the way back to his flat so Olly thinks he enjoyed it too.

The cider is still working its magic when they get home and Olly is feeling confident enough to push Neil back against the front door and kiss him.

“Hmm, that’s how it’s going to be is it?” Neil asks, smiling down at him when he pulls back.

“I want to fuck you,” Olly confirms. He prefers bottoming, mainly, but he’s in the mood to try something different tonight. “But I want to try something else first, so we need to get in the shower.” Neil raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything, indicating with his hand for Olly to lead the way instead.

They squeeze into the tiny cubicle together and it’s fun, Olly’s laughing as they rub up against each other and he pulls Neil down into a kiss before playfully pushing him out of the shower and into the bedroom. Neil lands on the bed with an ‘oof’ and pulls Olly down on top of him.

“Turn over,” Olly urges. He’s starting to feel nervous now but he’s determined to see this through. Neil rims him all the time, as often as he can get away with anyway, and Olly thinks it’s about time he repaid the favour. It’s not something he’s done before but Neil will guide him if he’s doing it wrong.

Neil’s on his hands and knees, now, glancing over his shoulder at Olly and he’s so gorgeous like this that it settles Olly’s nerves. He wants to make Neil feel so good.

“Olly,” Neil breathes when Olly moves forward, a hand on each of Neil’s cheeks to pull them apart gently. “You don’t have to…”

“I know I don’t have to,” Olly breathes out a laugh, Neil is the last person who would make him do anything he didn’t want to, especially when it comes to sex. “I want to try it,” he assures Neil.

“Ok,” Neil lets his head hang down between his arms and Olly’s glad now not to have him watching, when he leans forward and licks a stripe up the crease of Neil’s arse. It doesn’t really taste like anything, maybe a bit like the shower gel they just used to clean up with, but certainly not unpleasant and Neil’s quiet  _fuck, Olls_ spurs him on. He tries to remember what Neil does to him, licking around the rim, getting him wet before he pushes his tongue inside. Neil’s really into it and it makes Olly feel a bit ashamed that he hasn’t done this for him before when he realises how much Neil likes it and must have wanted it.

“Olly, Olly,” Neil pulls away a bit, and Olly wipes a hand across his mouth, they’re both panting wildly. “I want you to fuck me now, please, baby.”

“Ok, ok,” Olly takes the lube that Neil thrusts at him and slicks up his fingers. They slide inside Neil easily and he crooks his fingers gently, enjoying the way Neil swears when he hits the right spot.

“Two’s enough,” Neil assures him.

“Show off,” Olly murmurs and Neil laughs, Olly only just manages to get out of the way and avoid a knee in the face when Neil rolls over and pulls him forward so he lands between Neil’s spread thighs.

“Come on, baby boy, fuck me,” he insists.

“You’re so bossy,” Olly can’t help but laugh, even when he’s bottoming Neil can’t give up control completely.

“You love it,” Neil reminds him and Olly just grins stupidly because it’s true. Neil pulls him into a kiss and Olly’s glad, he always lets Neil kiss him after he’s rimmed him but he wasn’t sure Neil would want to. Neil isn’t holding back at all though, helping Olly move until he’s able to slide inside him, Neil’s long legs wrapping round Olly’s slender frame easily.

They’re both really wound up, Neil has his hands on Olly’s arse, dictating the tempo and Olly’s just trying to keep up, kissing along Neil’s neck and telling him how gorgeous he is. He manages to support himself on one arm, Neil helping to keep him balanced, so he can get a good grip on Neil’s dick and then it’s pretty much over.

“Christ, Olly,” Neil pants, he still has hold of Olly, not allowing him to withdraw just yet. “That was fucking amazing,” Olly just nods in agreement, he sort of wants to hide now but he knows Neil won’t let him. “Thanks, baby.”

“You don’t have to say thank you,” Olly looks at him in surprise. Neil finally releases him and he pulls out, grimacing a little when some of his come slides out of Neil. Olly gets the flannel this time, since Neil bottomed, and cleans them both up a bit before slipping into the bed with Neil and curling up against him.

“Ok?” Neil asks, running a hand through Olly’s sweat damp hair.

“My knees have gone like jelly,” Olly replies, “but other than that I’m awesome.” He stretches a bit and then settles again. “I didn’t know you liked it that much,” he says softly to Neil. “You should have asked, I would have done it ages ago.”

“I think it might be your talented mouth that got me so worked up,” Neil leans over to kiss him. “But thank you, I know you were nervous…”

“Shut up,” Olly pokes him in the ribs playfully and Neil curls up, ticklish as always. “It was good.”

“Better than good,” Neil agrees. “I love you so much, Olly.”

“I know,” Olly smiles up at him, because it’s true, he does know. “I love you too.”

*

When he wakes up Neil’s on the phone and Olly blinks at the clock to see that it’s just past eight o’clock.

“No, no,” he listens to Neil say, “I’ll be at Olly’s flat, get the car to pick me up from there.” The rest of the conversation seems to be about what they’re going to wear on stage so he assumes it’s Grace he’s speaking to.

“We’re going back to my flat?” Olly asks. Neil lives on his own so they spend the vast majority of their time together in his flat.

“The car’s coming for me at 5 am,” Neil replies, leaning in for a kiss, heedless of Olly’s morning breath, “your flight isn’t until 1,” he reminds Olly. Neil always seems to know his schedule better than he knows it himself.

They eat a quick breakfast of toast and jam sitting on Neil’s tiny sofa, “how do you always have fresh food?” Olly asks, bemused, the only reason he and Mikey ever have anything edible at home is because of James. Neil shrugs and avoids looking at him.

“Your mum bought it for you?” Olly asks, tone just a little bit teasing.

“She thinks you’re too thin,” Neil grins at him widely. “People are always telling me to take better care of you.”

“You take great care of me,” Olly pouts, “and I’m not a child.”

“No, you’re not,” Neil agrees, running his foot up Olly’s leg until he shivers. “What do you want to do today?”

“Sex,” Olly declares. “Lots and lots of sex.”

“I think that can be arranged,” Neil grins at him brightly and Olly’s stomach tumbles over, a rush of love hitting him so hard he’s almost breathless with it. He pulls Neil in for a kiss, unable to stop himself.

“Let me suck you,” he says breathlessly, when he pulls back from the kiss.

“How could I say no to an offer like that?” Neil looks just as wrecked as Olly feels and he has to kiss him again before he slides to the floor and gets himself positioned between Neil’s thighs. “Christ, Olly, I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” Neil runs a hand through Olly’s hair, tugging a bit as he withdraws his hand.

“I haven’t even done anything yet,” Olly laughs, licking his lips as his mouth fills with saliva at the mere thought of getting Neil in his mouth.

 "You don’t need to, just the way you look down there on your knees, licking your lips, waiting for me to give you want you want…” Neil lets his head drop back against the couch and lifts his hips so Olly can get his jogging bottoms and pants down out of the way. He’s already half hard and Olly helps him get the rest of the way, stroking his dick and nuzzling into his thigh before he takes him into his mouth.

He can’t put into words just how much he loves sucking Neil off, he always tastes so good and he’s so appreciative. He’s got one hand on Olly’s head, but he’s just playing with the curls there, not trying to dictate the rhythm or force Olly down onto him and the way he shudders when Olly sucks just right makes him feel powerful and in control like he never does in other scenarios.

“Fuck, Olly,” Neil gasps when Olly flicks his tongue under the head and he glances up to see Neil staring back down at him, his pupils blown wide and his bottom lip caught between his teeth. “Let me, can I…” Olly know what Neil’s asking for and he’s more than happy to give it to him. He sits back on his heels a little and relaxes his throat, lets Neil thrust gently into it, amazed as always over how much control Neil has over his own body, even at times like this. Deep throating is something he’s good at and he still fondly remembers the first time he’d done this to Neil, how quickly it had gotten him off, but it wrecks his voice for a while so it’s another thing they have to save for when they have time, when Olly doesn’t have a performance to worry about. He’s got at least 48 hours to recover before the next time he has to sing in front of an audience though so he moans a little, encourages Neil to thrust harder, knowing he won’t take it too far.

When it gets to be too much for Neil to control the thrust of his hips without risking hurting Olly he pulls back and lets Olly take control again. Neil gets more sensitive when he’s close to coming so Olly pulls off, focuses on teasing the head while his hand works the shaft.

“Olly, fuck, Olly,” it’s all the warning he gets before Neil is coming but it’s enough and he manages to catch most of it, the rest dripping down his fingers. “Jesus,” Neil swears, “get up here you filthy little thing,” Olly goes where Neil’s hands pull him, ending up straddling him on the couch with Neil kissing the living daylights out of him, licking any trace of Neil’s come out of his mouth while his hand works Olly through his shorts until he comes with a shout.

“Shit,” Olly pants, resting his head against Neil’s shoulder and trying to catch his breath. “You did that on purpose,” he complains, “You know this was the last clean pair of pants I’ve got here.”

“Oh dear,” Neil laughs, “you’ll just have to go commando, what a shame.”

“I could just steal some of yours,” Olly points out.

“You could,” Neil’s hands circle his waist, “but you’re so tiny they’ll just fall down and drive you mad.”

“I am not tiny,” Olly huffs.

“Slender,” Neil corrects. “Svelte, lithe, lissome.”

“Ok, Cambridge, enough,” Olly groans, “we didn’t all swallow a thesaurus.”

“Willowy,” Neil continues, grinning when Olly lifts his head to glare at him. “Perfect, perfect, perfect.” He punctuates each word with a kiss and Olly can’t help but smile.

“You’re disgusting,” he tells Neil.

“I’m not the one with come on my face, all over my hand and in my shorts,” Neil retorts, the grin never leaving his face.

“That’s an easy thing to change,” Olly grins, rubbing against Neil a bit. “I don’t really have come on my face do I?” He checks.

“No,” Neil laughs. “Just everywhere else.”

“Story of my life,” Olly grins kissing Neil.

“I should pack,” Neil sighs. He makes no move to get up though and if anything pulls Olly closer. 

“We could look through our schedules first,” Olly offers, “Emre emailed me an updated one this morning but I’ve not looked at it yet.” 

They both get out their phones and go through their calendars, Olly adding things in from the new details Emre has sent him, checking their availability against each other’s. Sometimes it seems to make Neil feel better, planning like this, other times it makes him tense and Olly doesn’t really know what to do about it. Summer has been frantic, both of them playing at festivals, not just in Europe but all over the world, and they’ve both got big tours coming up. 

“It quietens down a bit before Christmas,” Olly offers. 

“Mmm,” Neil replies distractedly. Olly just bites his lip and stays quiet. It’s hard, being apart so much, but thinking about it is even worse. When they’re working they’re both so busy and they make sure to text, email, phone, face time, communicate any way they can, whenever they can. It’s the best that they can do. 

“It’s not so long this time,” Olly says, he really doesn’t want to spend this precious day together worrying about the fact that they’re going to be separated. “8 days, it could be worse.” 

“8 days is forever,” Neil complains. He must feel the way Olly tenses because he sighs. “I just miss you,” he breathes against the top of Olly’s head. 

“I miss you too,” Olly looks up and catches his eye. “I miss you so much it hurts but…” he pauses, not sure how to say this without sounding terrified that Neil won’t agree. “But it’s worth it. We’re worth it.” 

“Of course we’re worth it,” Neil pulls him in close for a kiss. “I’m just being a baby, you’re right, 8 days isn’t too bad and we’ll make it work. We always do.” Olly lets out a breath he hadn’t been sure he was holding.  

He knows Neil loves him but he’s  _Neil_ , he could have any man he wants. Olly doesn’t doubt his loyalty at all, he’s a jealous person, Emre says it’s because he’s insecure, but he doesn’t think Neil would ever cheat on him, at least not when they’re together like this; When they’re apart it’s the stuff his nightmares are made of. 

Neil’s still holding him close and Olly’s not sure, because he can’t see his face, but he thinks he might be crying. 

“Neil,” he says urgently, because this is not ok, Neil is not allowed to be unhappy when Olly’s right here practically in his lap. “Baby, please don’t cry. Everything’s going to be ok,” he promises, because if he has anything to do with it then it will. 

“Sorry,” Neil laughs at himself, wiping his face on Olly’s jumper. “God, I’m a mess.” 

“Like I can criticise anyone for crying,” Olly points out. It’s less than 2 days since he was a sobbing mess, but it always surprises him when it’s Neil. Neil is quite emotional, he’s never tried to hide that, and he’s been pretty straightforward about the fact that he misses Olly and thinks it’s crap that they’re apart so much. He’s careful not to go on about it too much, because he knows it makes Olly worry that he’s unhappy and there’s nothing Olly can do about it other than quit the band and he can’t do that – Neil would never ask him to.  

“We’ve got a week off at the same time in November,” Olly points out, “we should book a holiday.” They’d had an amazing time in Ibiza. “And we can start thinking about where we want to spend Christmas.” Neil likes to plan ahead, Olly had been wary, at first, of thinking too far into the future when he knows how his relationships usually end, but now he knows they’re both in it for the long haul.  

“I’ll probably be DJ-ing somewhere on New Year’s Eve,” Neil warns him.  

“So I’ll come with you,” Olly shrugs. “I like watching you.” 

“You’re such a creeper,” Neil teases and Olly’s glad to hear him smiling again. “Where should we go on holiday?” They amuse themselves for a while thinking about where they might like to go, somewhere sunny obviously, but also somewhere where they don’t have to worry about being open. Neil’s terrible at keeping his hands to himself and Olly can never stand to remind him.  

“Sorry I freaked out,” Neil wraps an arm around Olly and pulls him in closer. “I’m just madly in love with you.” 

“Well luckily for you the feeling’s mutual,” Olly grins, “so I completely understand.” 

Neil eventually gets around to packing his case and they both clean up so that they can make their way to Olly’s flat. 

“I know you want to spend more time with Stewie before you leave again,” Neil teases him. 

“Not as much as I want to spend time with you,” Olly says honestly.  

They go for food on their way back to Olly’s. Neil doesn’t ask him where he wants to go and instead just takes them to a place he knows Olly likes, a little hole in the wall place that does great falafel. Olly takes it as a reward for suggesting what they did and where they ate the day before. 

He looks up from his meal and catches Neil watching him with a small frown on his face, lost in his thoughts.

“Neil,” Olly attracts his attention, reaching across the table to squeeze his hand. “This has been the best weekend,” he says honestly. “I feel so much better.”

He knows Neil worries about him and the way he’d reacted to seeing Neil at the airport on Thursday is obviously playing on his mind. He’s been honest with Neil, about the bouts of depression that have plagued him in the past and the anxiety that still sneaks up on him, usually when he’s least expecting it. 

“I actually feel really good,” Olly says, because it’s true. “I missed you so much and I needed this weekend but we’ve got some gigs coming up that I’m excited about and I don’t want to spend the whole time we’re apart worrying that you’re worrying about me instead of having a good time on tour.”

“I can’t help but worry about you, Olly,” Neil shakes his head with a small smile. “You push yourself so hard…”

“I know,” Olly agrees. “Because this… the band, the music, everything, it’s important to me.”

“You have to take care of yourself first,” Neil tuts at him. “The way you were on Thursday, you looked like you hadn’t slept in days.”

“Last week was a bad week,” Olly agrees. “I’m usually good at sleeping,” he reminds Neil with a smile. “And Emre and Mikey are out there with me, you know they both fuss around me, since you’ve apparently had lectures from the both of them about making sure I eat and sleep enough.” Neil doesn’t respond but he doesn’t look convinced either. “It was a bad week,” Olly repeats. “We were all over the place and I felt like I hadn’t seen you for ages. I let things get on top of me and then I was just in a bad cycle.”

“You have to promise me that you’ll talk to me when you get like that,” Neil pleads. “I miss you and I worry about you enough without thinking that you’re hiding things from me.”

“I wasn’t hiding anything,” Olly protests.

“You didn’t tell me you weren’t sleeping,” Neil holds his gaze, won’t let him look away. “I know you don’t want me to worry about you, Olly, but I do, I love you so much and the thought that you might be struggling with something that I could help you with if I knew is just…”

“Ok,” Olly interrupts, because Neil looks like he’s getting upset and this is something that he can fix easily. “I promise to tell you if I have a bad night or something,” he promises, “I usually tell you if I’m freaking out about something, this was different, I just wasn’t managing to get as much sleep as I needed and then by the time I got off the plane and you were there…” He shakes his head, still a bit embarrassed about his emotional display.

“I’m going to tell Emre and Mikey they better tell me if there’s something wrong too,” Neil warns, “they were both happy enough to tell me on Thursday but if one of them had phoned me a few days earlier I might have been able to do something about it.”

“Like what?” Olly asks, not wanting Emre and Mikey to be blamed for his failures. “You were in another country.”

“I could have stayed on the phone with you until you fell asleep, Olly,” Neil’s still looking at him intensely and Olly really doesn’t want this to turn into a fight. “We both know that works.” It does work, just hearing Neil’s breathing lulls him to sleep. “Why didn’t you just phone me?” Neil asks, and it seems like he’s actually hurt by Olly’s inability to rely on him.

“I don’t know,” Olly replies honestly. “I know I should have, I have before. The first night I couldn’t sleep you were on a plane and the second night you were doing a DJ set somewhere and then the third night I was exhausted and not thinking rationally. It won’t happen this time,” he promises. “It’s only 8 days and I’m going into it feeling really good. As long as we can finish this conversation soon,” Olly sighs, glad when Neil finally cracks a smile, even if it is a small one.

“I love you,” he squeezes Olly's hand.

“I love you too,” Olly smiles at him. “I promise to be a good boy and report all my bad behaviour to you for correction.”

“Mmm, I like the sound of that,” Neil grins. “Maybe a spanking for telling fibs…”

“Neil,” Olly interrupts, feeling his whole face burn red. They’re in public and Olly likes it here, he’d like to be able to come back without dying of embarrassment.

“I wasn’t suggesting I’d do it here,” Neil’s grinning at him now, clearly enjoying making him squirm. “But I can see you like the sound of it as much as I do.” Olly doesn’t say anything, can’t think what to say that wouldn’t be a curse word or a blatant lie so he just lets Neil win this one and pays for their meal.

It’s only a short walk from there to Olly’s flat and he’s trying his best to ignore the fact that it’s getting closer and closer to the time that they’ll be separated again.

James is home and Olly excitedly tells him all about their recent festivals, even though he’s probably heard it all from Mikey, and what he and Neil have been doing for the past few days. He feels like a horribly neglectful friend, especially because when he has any time off he just wants to spend it with Neil, but James just laughs and points out the he and Mikey are basically paying for him to have his own massive flat in London since they’re hardly ever there.

He cuddles up to Neil on the couch, determined to make the most of these last few hours, smiling happily when Stewie sprawls across the two of them, making himself comfortable.

Mikey and Sophie get back from shopping –Mikey has even more clothes than Neil – and they decide to order pizza.

“You two are disgusting,” Mikey complains when Olly feeds Neil part of his pizza so he can try it.

“Shut up, they’re adorable,” Sophie disagrees. “You could feed me pizza,” she points out.

“He’d probably get it in your eye,” Neil warns.

“Shut up lover boy,” Mikey rejoins, but there’s no heat in it and he’s grinning at Neil when he says it.

It’s getting late so Olly drags Neil to his bedroom (not that there’s actually much dragging involved) ignoring the catcalls from the other three.

“I don’t want to go to sleep,” Neil complains, “I don’t want to go.” He’s sitting on the bed and Olly’s standing in front of him, Neil presses his face to Olly’s stomach and Olly settles his hands in his hair, stroking.

“Set your alarm early,” he suggests. “So we can have some time together.”

They get ready for bed and curl up together, Olly tells Neil about Emre trying, and failing, to chat up a Danish girl because it’s a funny story and he wants to distract Neil. The next thing he knows Neil’s alarm is going off and he’s scrabbling to turn it off so it doesn’t wake everyone else too.

“Olly,” Neil’s pressing against his back, whispering into his ear. “Let me fuck you, please, I can’t bear the thought of leaving without…”

“Ok,” Olly interrupts, “yes, of course, you don’t need to convince me,” he knows he’s rambling but he grabs the condoms and lube out of the bedside table and hands them back to Neil who makes space so Olly can roll onto his back.

“I love you so much, Olly,” Neil kisses him like it’s the last time he’s ever going to get to do it and Olly tries to pour all the emotions he’s feeling into the kiss as well. To give Neil everything that he deserves.

“I love you too,” Olly says, promises, means it with all his heart.

“God we’re pathetic,” Neil laughs and Olly can’t help but giggle. “8 days is too long to go without touching you,” he runs his hands up Olly’s arms, catching his hands and pushing them up over his head. “Leave them there,” he instructs.

“Yes, sir,” Olly giggles.

“Such a tease,” Neil bites at his neck. “Don’t think I didn’t see how you reacted to the mere suggestion of spanking yesterday,” he nibbles Olly’s ear. “I’ve got 8 days to plan how I’m going to put you over my knee.”

“Fuck, Neil, please…” Olly’s not sure what he’s begging for but Neil always takes care of him.

“Shhh,” Neil soothes a hand down his side. “Don’t want to wake everyone now, do we?”

It’s quick and fevered, still under the duvet, Olly’s t-shirt rucked up under his arms so Neil can get at his nipples, Neil as patient as ever opening Olly up with one finger, then two and three until he finally sinks all the way in. Neil’s never quiet when they have sex but he’s clearly trying to keep the volume down, whispering endearments into Olly’s ear until he feels so overwhelmed with the emotion of it all that he’s blinking back tears when he comes.

He refuses to cry though and swallows back the tears, determined to send Neil off with a smile on his face so he knows Olly’s ok and doesn’t worry about him unnecessarily.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” Neil tells him seriously when they’re standing in the hall, waiting for the car following Grace’s 2 minute warning message.

“That’s my line,” Olly kisses him soundly and the car pulls up, waving at Grace when she winds the window down and blows him a kiss. “I will see you in 8 days,” he says certainly, picking up Neil’s violin case and linking their fingers together with his free hand. The driver gets out to put Neil’s bags in the boot and then Neil’s getting into the car, kissing Olly again and again until he has to close the door.

Olly watches the car until he can’t see the rear lights anymore. When he turns around Mikey’s standing in the open doorway and he manages a smile for him, grateful as always for his friends when Mikey pats him on the shoulder and makes him a cup of tea, staying with him even though it’s 5 in the morning and Sophie is fast asleep in bed.

8 days is nothing.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Clean Bandit's Stronger (Olly's version of course).
> 
> I had already started writing this before Jersey Live happened and I probably should have spent a lot more time editing it but I decided if I want to get any work done this week I needed to get it off my computer and into the world.


End file.
